Fifty Moments from an Imaginary Marriage
by slagsmacker
Summary: 'Do you know that I think' 'That I'm only going to be happy if we murder Andy and you and I get married' Ellie/Jules.


A/N: Putting up a fic, I posted elsewhere a few months ago. This one is based on wishful thinking and the tag of episode 1.12. It's written in the fifty sentences style (one sentence for every prompt word) so is fluffy with massive gaps to insert your own back story. Personally, I could not kill poor Andy so decide for yourselves whether he is dead and buried in the back garden/living with Bobby on his boat/never existed. Also, much like the show, I forgot baby Stan exists.

**Comfort**

Ellie rarely admits it, whilst Jules says it entirely too much, but they are both grateful to have fallen in love with their best friend.

**Kiss**

Sometimes Ellie pretends Jules still kisses like a slug, because a) fallout is fun and b) it gives them an excuse to practice.

**Soft**

The neighbors don't believe Jules when she claims her wife is soft at heart; mostly because Ellie responded to Tom's insanely loud sprinkler system by cutting off the entire cul-de-sac's water supply (twice).

**Pain**

When Travis departs for a summer road trip, Jules puts on his t-shirt and curls pathetically around her body pillow; Ellie just gets into bed and wraps the crazy woman and her stupid pillow in a hug.

**Potatoes**

'That dress makes Laurie look like a sack of potatoes stuffed into a tube sock,'

'Okay, waaaay over the mean line, you are on the couch tonight,'

'Worth it.'

**Rain**

It rains the day they get married , Grayson wants to make some crack about God crying, but who is he to be a cynical bastard when the bride and the harpy look so content?

**Chocolate**

They promise not to buy chocolate for anniversaries/birthdays (Ellie thinks it's lame and Jules thinks she is fat) but they both do it anyway.

**Happiness**

They believe happiness is found in the company of each other…and a couple of bottles of wine.

**Telephone**

When Ellie proposes, Jules accepts, then makes her do it again to an unanswered phone; she likes to play the voicemail back whenever she is sad.

**Ears**

'Okay, harsh truth, your stupid elf ears are adorable.'

**Name**

One of their ongoing fights revolves around whether Jules can make their couple name, 'Jellie.'

**Sensual**

Travis used to like the taste of strawberries - that was until he had to start eating whole bowls to stop them from making those horrifically sensual noises.

**Death**

Ellie is kind of glad Jules' Mom is dead, she knows she doesn't play well with mother-in-laws.

**Sex**

They try to make Friday, 'lingerie night,' before deciding it is too much effort (garters, seriously?) and nakedness is better anyway.

**Touch**

'I swear if you ever do finger guns after getting me off, I will never let you touch me again.'

**Weakness**

Ellie has a weakness for Jules' smile, Jules' blue eyes, the way Jules kisses her …just right…on that spot behind her ear.

**Tears**

Jules is suspiciously choked up the first time she says, 'I love you,' Ellie, afraid she has gotten in way over her head (and also being a teensy bit of a bad person), refuses to talk to her best friend for three days.

**Speed**

On their first real date, Jules tries the, 'speed so fast you'll hug me extra tight,' trick - Ellie just pinches her until she slows down.

**Wind**

Bobby sings _Chasin' The Wind _at their wedding and Jules feels guilty that dancing with Ellie, hands low on her back, nose gently nudging the taller woman's chin, makes her happier than she ever was with him.

**Freedom**

Ellie announces she will not be changing her name, so Jules only signs every other Christmas card, 'from Mrs and Mrs Cobb.'

**Life**

'You guys are, like, the best midlife crisis I have ever met,'

'Thank you _so_ much for your input Jellybean.'

**Jealousy**

One night, Jules sighs Robert Pattinson's name in her sleep, the next morning she finds her _Twilight_ dvd smashed into several small pieces.

**Hands**

Jules likes to tease Ellie about her huge feet (shoes like a clown), but she has nothing bad to say about her long, strong fingers.

**Taste**

The first time Ellie goes down on her, Jules wonders if her confession about that girl from college _might_ not have related to a kiss on the mouth.

**Devotion**

They have to buy thick, dark drapes to discourage Tom spying on them for the rest of his life.

**Forever**

Ellie allows Jules 'future girl,' Cobb one question per week about where they will be tomorrow/a month from now/when apes have taken over the planet.

**Blood**

When his Mom says she loves Ellie enough to share his bloodstream, Travis visibly shudders - to her credit, Ellie is gagging along with him.

**Sickness**

Ellie sometimes thinks she has a mental illness, it would explain why she keeps marrying people who are made of optimism, energy, rainbows and light (blech).

**Melody**

'You guys better not start wearing plaid and become vegans… I had this friend, Melody, who started dating chicks, then WA-BAM, she stopped eating meat and went to live in a commune… now she can't get a job because she totally won't stop spelling womyn with a y…'

**Star **

Barb's wedding gift is a tale starring her, another woman, a video camera and Xavier's, 'outstanding direction,' - it is _disgusting_.

**Home**

Jules refuses to have sex in her new bathroom, she always feels like the Japanese toilet is judging them.

**Confusion**

'Seriously though, what are the sex chopsticks for?'

**Fear **

Jules' greatest fear is growing old and dying alone; Ellie rolls her eyes, but still holds her hand whenever Jules gets the grey dyed out of her hair.

**Lightening/Thunder**

She dare not say it out loud (Ellie freaks out far less frequently than she does), but Jules likens her wife's outbursts to a storm - loud, terrifying and spectacular to look at.

**Bonds**

Ellie bruises ridiculously easily, Jules tells Ellie if she would just relax into the cuddling (for 30 minutes to an hour each day), they wouldn't have this problem.

**Markets**

They don't sell up and buy a property together because a) neither of them wants to leave the Cul-de-Sac and b) Ellie likes being able to tell people she has a second home.

**Technology**

Laurie tells her there is an app to turn off a stereo from any room in the house; Jules invests in an Iphone and begins waging a stealth war against Ellie's love for rap music.

**Gift**

These days they are both too pickled to get wine drunk, so - just to see what happens - Jules buys a bottle of tequila and a cowboy hat.

**Smile**

This results in some photographs that will _never_ see the light of day.

**Ignorance**

When their relationship, 'comes out,' (so to speak), Ellie takes the opportunity to teach Jules what a pun is.

**Completion**

'Sooo Shot Slut Mcgee, how many victims have you seduced over your many, _many_ years on earth?'

Jules answers for her,

'Counting me… a full set of fingers and toes,'

Ellie high fives Grayson smugly without looking, 'holla!'

**Clouds**

Neither of them wanted to be husband-less at forty, but as far as silver linings go, their relationship is a good one.

**Sky**

Jules knows kissing a certain spot on Ellie's neck makes her as light and pleasant as the summer sky - this only lasts for about ten seconds, but it is enough time to give her latest prey a decent head start.

**Heaven**

It is annoying that Jules never shuts up, however, these days, she knows exactly which words make Ellie moan and roll her eyes in a good way.

**Hell**

Ellie wishes Jules' elementary school would have a reunion, she wants to know what fabulous things the nuns would say about two women swapping spit.

**Sun**

Ellie's Mom flies in the day before the wedding and seems to treat the whole ordeal as if she is a New York skyscraper sent to block out the sun (secretly, Jules thinks her attitude explains a lot about her daughter).

**Moon**

Sometimes the gang gets so obsessed with Penny Can that they end up playing into the night, Jules likes sitting on Bobby's boat and watching Ellie own everyone else in the moonlight.

**Waves**

When they go to the beach Ellie pretends to hate swimming - in reality she doesn't mind the sea, she just enjoys watching Jules' bikini walk towards water much, much more.

**Hair **

Jules gets her hair cut into a slick bob; Ellie hates not being able to run her fingers through wavy, dark strands, so visits the salon and threatens to choke the next person who tells her wife long, black hair, 'is a little Cher.'

**Supernova**

**They didn't plan or expect it, but when the fiery end comes (Jules is convinced Bobby's flare gun/gasoline set up will have something to do with it), they will be happy to have been together.**


End file.
